Before I get the swarms of comments and emails correcting me, yes I know it is September 12th, 2009. The reason why I titled it that will become readily apparent soon, but let me tell you a bit of a story told from a different perspective. Insert your own narrator’s voice, as needed.
“Once, not so long ago, I had just moved into a new community. As the new person in the town, I already felt like an outsider. I didn’t know anyone in the community, but I had always been taught to make an effort. I got an invitation to a local party. Now, the wording on the cover of the invite didn’t particularly invite me, but it was an open social event, so I thought and I was bound and determined to get out. I remember getting driven to the house and dropped off at the front door. As I stepped out of the car, signed proclaimed that this wasn’t for my group, but to be honest, I wanted to meet anyone, so I thought I would try. I walked up the walkway, awkwardly holding a hostess gift. I rang the bell and the hostess came to the door. When she spotted me at the door, she immediately began looking around for someone more appropriate as a guest. Not seeing anyone, she reluctantly let me in and I began to receive the looks that I always seem to draw. ‘Why are they here?’ The party games that started were fun, but the gifts given were another sign that I was different. There were some nice people at the party, but you could see that their husbands would be hesitant with them hanging out with ‘my kind’, so they were timidly friendly at best. When their husbands came, they were equally cold, not really understanding why I was there. As my ride arrived, I rode home, doggedly determined that I would fit in and learn to be part of the world that I found myself. I even wrote a thank you note to the hostess’ surprise.”
Now, a game I play with my daughter when I read her stories. What time period do you think this story came out of:
A) 1860′s
B) 1960′s
C) 2000′s
Well, if you guessed 1960′s, you are absolutely incorrect. It is a modern story and it’s an adaptation of my first party as a male military spouse. I have since made many fabulous military spouse friends, but I still encounter that attitude frequently. Everything from a military commander telling my FRG that “the ladies can stay here and talk” to an “Army Wives” conference have been thrown my way. Now are male spouses not culpable? Oh by no means, no. Many of us are guilty, because we refuse to get involved with the deep traditions that are rooted in the world of the military spouse. Now, why do I reference September 12th, 2001? Do you know what strikes me most to this day about that whole day? Barrier vanished.
Quite simply, it didn’t matter your class, your culture, education, gender, race, ethnicity, speech or otherwise. There were no barriers. We were Americans. I would love to reach that point with the military spouse community. No, I don’t want a homogenized mixture. I enjoy the differences in the military community. I think we can celebrate those differences, cherish them, and yet still reach united goals. I look forward to working with many of you to reach those goals. Remember, I may be a male military spouse, but through it all I am still a military spouse.
With Regards,
Jeremy
I always joke around, that I wasn’t able to “escape the trap of the female soldier”, because so many of us go along to marry a male soldier. And why not, I laugh. It’s a male-dominated profession, so of course we’re going to be surrounded by men who just look so yummy in their uniforms. Men of character and values, to boot, and what’s more admirable and attractive than that? It’s just one joke I rely on to describe the particular experience of a female soldier, challenging a traditional norm, in a role not overly common to women in our society. It’s why I am so terribly proud to know you, Jer. You’re one of those remarkable men who are, themselves, challenging a norm, with head held high and smiles galore, joking about the difficulties as you go along. You go, girl…ahem, guy! Hehe!
What many fail to see is that those principled, tenacious and patriotic soldiers seek out Spouses much like them. So when you get down to it, mil spouses are this group of patriotic, professional, value driven, tenacious, self motivated and wonderful people. No wonder they are able to adapt to the changing optempo of the Army. They hve done so capably and in a way that sets the stage to show the Big Army that Families are indeed a HUGE part of mission readiness.
Great job on the blog!! I love it ! I’m so sorry that happened to you. I think it’s cool to get the male perspective on being a military spouse. Looking forward to reading a lot more great posts!! : )
I really appreciate the support and advice. I look forward to providing some good insight into my life and maybe help out some Spouses along the way.
I really appreciate your perspective. When my husband and I were dual military, I wasn’t considered a spouse because I wore the uniform and got looked down up and treated badly. It left a bad taste in my mouth for the longest time about “spouses”. Obviously I am one now and always have been but somewhere along the way I guess I’ve “earned” the title, haha. I don’t know but I enjoy your perspective and look forward to reading more from you. I agree with you on many levels.